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Thanksgiving Table Reminders

Happy Thanksgiving to all! As you sit down for a lovely meal with family and friends today, here are a few reminders:
1) Make a rule that NO ONE is allowed to bring a smart phone to the table. Period. In fact the hour or so of visiting with friends before your meal should be a hands off the smart phone zone. Especially your kids - explain to them we only stop work and everything else a few times a year to gather together with loved ones, and they need to enjoy the time together and live "in the moment".
2) Remind anyone with a hat on to please remove it before sitting down to the table.
3) If you are hosting and you are eating buffet-style, remember to tell people to please go ahead and start eating while it's still warm - they don't need to wait for you.
4) If you're a guest, remember to wait for the host to either take the first bite or tell you to go ahead without her or him.
5) Kids should remember to look people in the eye when speaking to them.....not appropriate to look down or the other way and mumble.
6) An old fashioned -but still looked upon as gentlemanly - is if a man helps a lady with her seat....and stands when a lady gets up from the table or sits down.
7) If you're eating from a buffet in a restaurant, leave your plate on the table when you go for more food and the plate will be removed. You don't want the serving spoon that touches everyone's else's plate to touch yours too.....But if you're in someone's home, it's expected that you will used the one plate and go back with it for seconds. Don't know why - I guess if you know someone well enough to be in their home, you know them well enough to share germs. :)
8) When you're finished, fold your napkin lightly (don't scrunch it) and put it to the left of your plate.
9) Thank your host for a nice Thanksgiving meal. And send a thank you note the next day - even if it's family!!!

Have a happy peaceful Thanksgiving....and let's all hope for peace in the world. We can do that by being civil to every other human being you come across. Jill :)

Manners Reminder of the Week

If you and another person are approaching a doorway or a narrow place to walk, please pay attention and slow down to let the other person pass through. It's the considerate thing to do. So many people rushing these days - sometimes it becomes a race just to get through a hallway or a narrow passage.  Why speed up to get through a doorway first?  I tell my 15-year-old every day to let me go through the doorway into the kitchen first - the food will still be there when it's his turn!  Please slow down and think about another person during your busy day!  That person will think to themselves, "what lovely manners!"

Moms are Lovin' the Placemats!

Gotta Love This Review of the placemats!!!
Thanks, Suzy, whomever you are! Glad you like them.
Click Here: to see "SuzySaid" review

Good Manners over Good Grades - Even A Question?

Just heard about a new study that was just done - as if it even needed to be done!?
 
This morning, on a segment on the Today Show, three "professionals"/guests were asked to comment on an NBCU study showing that 77% of moms interviewed said they would prefer their children to have good manners over good grades.  Two of the three Today Show guests agreed that good manners were more important - but one guest actually said she thought good grades

A New Manner? Smile!!

Just read an article – ok, a little crazy that it was a “Dear Abby” newspaper advice column – but the woman who wrote it told Dear Abby that something she had read 20 years ago had changed her life. Unsure of herself as a Middle School student, she happened to read a Dear Abby column that offered advice to another reader recommending that one should “smile and greet people every day.”   This writer said she took that advice and it changed her life.  She started to smile at the world, became involved in activities in school, made friends, and was elected student body president. She now has children, has a master’s degree, and is a public speaker, poet and actor.  She says it was all because Dear Abby wrote about how important it is to smile.

Dear Abby (Abigail Van Buron © 2011) responds to this writer saying that she is glad her advice has been so impactful.  She says that no matter what you wear, “the expression on your face is your greatest asset – or liability.”  She asks whether you would rather start a conversation with someone who looks like they are mad at the world or someone who looks like they’re happy to see you - even if they don’t know you.

Dear Abby says she isn’t suggesting to be phony, but if you develop a habit of looking cheerful and happy, “it attracts.”  She says that there are two kinds of people who can walk into any room – one walks in and says, “Here I am…” The other walks in and says,  “There you are...”

Which one do you think is the winner?  Abby says, “If you want to receive a warm welcome, remember the happier you are to see others, the happier they’ll be to see you.”  I will add to that advice with my car's bumper sticker:  BE NICE.  The footnote to the bumper sticker should be: it makes you feel like you’re helping the world be a better place!

Hats Off!

I've not been posting this summer….but I'm back at it….reminding you about manners that have been forgotten (or never taught) and that we need to teach our kids! I'm also trying to discover the history behind all of the manners we regard as proper these days.

At the Yankees game on Labor Day (and every baseball game) - the announcer asked people to stand and take off their hats to sing the national anthem.  I had a sunhat on (because of a bad place on my chin you don't want to hear about)….when the announcer asked people to take off their hats, my first thought in the first millisecond was "I can't take this off for medical reasons" but then I thought "this is a manner that people need to do - no excuse, period" - and I whipped off my hat.  It is absolutely a sign of respect whether you are a man or a woman.

Here's what Emily Post says about hats:

Hats/baseball caps can be left ON:
Outdoors, at Athletic Games, on Public Transportation, at Religious Services as required, in Public Buildings (Post Office, Airport), on Elevators.

Hats/baseball caps should be taken OFF:
In a Home, In an Office, at Mealtime at the Table, in Restaurants, at a Movie or Indoor Performance, when the National Anthem is played, when the Flag of the United States passes by (as in a parade).

But I wanted to know what was the general history behind taking off the hat?  Long ago, the guest, coming in to the host's most vulnerable space - his home - would often make a ritual of taking off his hat.  The hat and the stick (or the helmet and sword depending on the century) would be required to be left at the door.  Uncovering your head and leaving your sword at the door shows that you are disarming yourself, shows respect, and makes yourself similar to your host who is most likely not wearing a hat in his own house or castle.  At the turn of this century, it was also customary for men to remove their hats to protect others from industrial soot.  Emily Post said that women's hats were part of their "costume" and did not need to be taken off….but her more modern descendants who have written the most recent editions of her Etiquette book do not distinguish between men and women when it comes to taking a hat off.  The rules above are for everyone.

How about this?  The forebearer of the hat was the wreath!  The ancient Greeks and Romans wore them at feasts.  The wreath was a pledge that everyone would observe TABLE MANNERS(!) and would not take food meant for another person, would not steal food, and would not ignore the rights of others at the table!  Wreaths reminded humans that they were mortal - they were not Gods - and they needed to pay attention to their limitations, so they were left on during meals.

So, it seems that taking your hat off has come full circle!

Award Winning Design

lovelymanners Wins Design Award!!!

YUPO Names Three Wally Award Winners

Creative Peers Attending HOW Design Conference Select Winners in Three Categories for Eighth Annual Design Competition

(Chesapeake, VA) -- Yupo Corporation America, a leading global manufacturer of synthetic paper and presenter of the Wally Awards, has announced the winners of the annual design competition.

Best Design entry – Lovely Manners Placemat by Dawn Vislocky of PBM Graphics

Best Package entry – Puka Pill Organizer by designer Shumpei Kato

Best Artist entry – Sorina Susnea “The Wondrous World Inside”

“Lovely Manners Placemat” by PBM Graphics, Inc. of Durham, NC, was selected for the Best Design category. Dawn Vislocky of PBMG will receive a $500 award. Puka Pill organizer by Shumpei Kato of Vancouver, BC, will receive a $500 award for winning the Best Package category. For her Best Artist category winning entry, “The Wondrous World Inside,” Sorina Susnea of Floral City, FL will receive a generous supply of YUPO paper.

Lovely Manners Table Placemats submitted by PBM Graphics, of Durham, NC, on behalf of client, www.lovelymanners.com - an online store and blog, which shares modern manners for people of all ages. PBM produced this table placemat collection on YUPO Grade: 144 lb cover in 1960s-era retro color combinations: blue/green, orange/fuchsia, and grey on grey. Each set contains six unique placemats with bold graphics and helpful etiquette reminders for proper table manners such as the proper placement of glasses, bread and salad plates, using silverware in correct order and rules for social interaction during meals. The placemats were created by freelance designer, Elizabeth Kuehnen, for the company's online store.

At the Table

I'm not a snob….I just like seeing good manners at the table….or rather I hate seeing bad manners at the table - especially when they're GROSS - which is exactly the reason we have manners - so please try to be considerate and don't do things that might turn someone's stomach while you're sitting near them.

We're away while our boys are at camp. Sitting in a gorgeous outdoor setting having a glass of wine with my husband, I couldn't stop watching the people at the next table…..

1) When you walk into a restaurant, you should look and try to get a feeling for the atmosphere in the restaurant - if it's rowdy and noisy already, go ahead and have fun! But if you sense that the place is quiet and people are enjoying the quiet and/or the view, remind yourself of that when you begin your  table talk. I had such a hard time listening to my husband because the people next to us were conversing very loudly - much louder than they needed to.

2) Please remember not to push your food onto your fork with your fingers.  Don't think, "oh just this once, no one will see" - people WILL see! I did! This same loud guy dug his two fingers into his salad bowl and pushed his salad onto his fork several times. Is this one of those ridiculous manners people shouldn't get upset about? I don't think so because it grossed me out!  (The thesaurus suggests "repulse" and "repel" for "gross out" but, hey, I'm writing the way I speak.)

3) I looked at the woman next to the guy and she had a huge piece of buttered bread and was eating the whole thing - it was an enormous piece of fresh bread.  I just quietly said to Dan, "I think these people need the placemats and I know what I'm blogging about."

I guess the main gist of all of this is that even if you don't think other people around you will see or hear or be bothered by your actions, you should remember that they very well could be - so be considerate.

So, a quick quiz:
Q: Should you be loud and boisterous at a "quiet outdoorsy beautiful view" restaurant?  A: No, consider the atmosphere when you walk in.
Q: Should you use your fingers to push food onto your fork? A: No, NEVER use your fingers.  You have a knife or a piece of bread to help you!
Q: Should you butter and eat a whole piece of bread at once?  A: No, it looks a lot nicer and it IS a lot easier to break off a bite-sized piece of bread, butter just that bite, and pop that into your mouth.

Civility, Politics, and the American Public

This post is in response to some recent comments from some readers.  "Basement Boy" - whomever he is -  is worried about how to handle discussions about politics - especially when he does not "agree" with the other party.  That reminded me of a recent survey I read about.  According to Politico, a recent survey of 1000 Americans concludes that 80% of those surveyed have, in the last year, been victims of incivility and one in 10 admit that they have been rude themselves.  (Survey: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0611/57304.html )

I thought it was very interesting that 90 percent of the people surveyed say that it really matters to them how the candidates who will be running in th next elections behave and treat people in debates with whom they disagree - that the candidate's tone of civility is very important. But only 55 percent of the people say they care about the party to which the candidate belongs.

So, when you're having those political debates with people (I rarely become involved in these because it just gets too messy), watch that YOU are being civil and are giving the other person in the conversation or debate room to speak his/her opinions  - or you might be thought of as just as uncivil as some of these candidates!

Another interesting fact:  people surveyed said that out of 25 American "Institutions" Political Campaigns are the least civil and Dinner Conversation is the most civil.  So Basement Boy, why don't you just stick to Dinner Conversation - especially dinner conversation without politics.  It sounds like you may not be cut out for political banter with friends!

And if you're rolling your eyes about this whole manners thing, take a good look at this quote from Edmund Burke a friend just sent me today. She said she was a teacher in NYC and used to keep this up on the chalkboard:

Manners are of more importance than laws... Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.


Have a great week!  And remember to order some placemats as your summer hostess gifts!!!!  :)

Use this QR Code & Test Your lovelymanners Skills!

"Test Your lovelymanners Skills Right Now! Scan Me!"

Hey, everyone. While I'm waiting for the placemats to be packaged this week - yes, they are really going to be up on the site and for sale by next week! - I've been diligently thinking about new ways to sell and market.  And the computer geek that I am (for people who know me, they KNOW I actually am!), I've become really fascinated with these new QR codes and QR readers.  QR stands for Quick Response Code - you've probably started seeing them in magazine and newspaper ads...and they're going to start showing up at points of sale - just watch!

So I decided to generate my own QR code and I'm going to put it on stickers on the outside of my placemat packaging - The

Be Nice.

A quick lovelymanners post today.  I heard a comment the other day that struck me.  It was when CIA Director, Leon Panetta, was named Obama's nominee for Defense Secretary (this was before the Osama assasination).  An interesting comment was made about Panetta and why people like to work for him.


"He expects respect from the people who work for him -
because he gives respect to the people who work for him."

And that's the crux of it! That's what manners are - they are not tired, irrelevant, elitist rules only applicable to days gone by. They are action-oriented behaviors that outwardly express courtesy and respect to friends, family, co-workers, and complete strangers.

BE NICE.  It's really not that hard.

"Mobile Misfits"

The surprise on the waiter's face when he walked up to our table, and suddenly, I popped up from under the tablecloth! OK, I was caught - and so embarrassed!  "But I thought it was nicer than talking at the table and I didn't know what to do!" I said. "It's a LOT better than what I usually see," he remarked with a smile.

So, yes, it's being talked about everywhere now - and I am guilty too.  It was in the NYT this past Sunday, it's discussed in

I'm "OK" with Bread Plates and Drinks

When you sit down at the table, do you often look and think, "Whose bread plate is whose....I can't remember how this works." And, "whose glass is whose?"   Well, here's a really easy way to remember.  I learned this little trick in my training (for those of you who know me, no, it is NOT the napkin trick) and it is one of the things that will ALWAYS stick with me now - I hope it helps you too!  I know it's helped some of my friends with whom I've recently dined!

What Exactly is a Spoon For?

Being on a family vacation and eating in restaurants during almost every meal gives me the ability to spend much more time watching my two boys' table manners - I'm not cooking and doing kitchen duty, so I have much more time to watch what they're doing.  The crazy thing is that I realized I became obsessed this week with a most mundane thing - the Spoon!

At one point, one of my boys ordered spaghetti, and a spoon arrived in his bowl of pasta.  The next thing I saw was my son trying to eat spaghetti with the spoon!  When I asked what he thought he was doing (quietly), he told me that a spoon had arrived in his bowl, so he assumed that he was supposed to use it to eat the dish.  So, I immediately reminded him about our placemats which teach "Twirl your pasta with your fork on a spoon" to make it bite-sized.  When he realized what I was talking about, he knew exactly what to do....but seeing him trying to initially eat spaghetti with a spoon cracked me up!

Duke Girls Search Austin for Best Manners

I spent this weekend in Austin visiting a college friend with five of my other Duke girlfriends. We happened upon a situation which we unanimously voted as "the best manners we encountered all weekend".

It's hard to accept a compliment, isn't it?  But once a day, or once a week, we're paid a compliment and what do we do?  We say, "Oh, not really....." or  "Thank you,

but.......".   The appropriate way to

accept a compliment is to do so with the same kindness used to give you the compliment. Accept it Graciously.

Here's our story:

We were in a very large dressing room - in a kind of

Breaking Bread

A short posting this week.

Some technical glitches came up with printing the first run of the lovelymanners placemats this weekend.  I want them to be PERFECT, so I pulled the job late Saturday night and will continue once we figure out how to fix what was going on.  A great Saturday night I had I have to say -  sitting in a room at a printing company in North Carolina!  I had plenty of time to proofread our copy again for the umpteenth time, and reading one of our manners reminded me of something I had seen earlier in the weekend.

When you are out in a restaurant - or even at home - do you

Elevator Behavior Matters to Most Women!

This past weekend I was at my home-away-from-home. Well, I guess my second home-away-from-home because Asheville would be first. But Vail runs a close second.  We've joined a club in Vail allowing us easy access on and off the slopes with all of our equipment, a place to eat and rest, and a place to store everything during the off-season.  It's a nice club and seems to have very nice and polite people who have joined from all over the country.  The club has rules as any club does - no cell phones, respect people around you by not talking too loudly - they even have fur-lined Crocs to put on when you take off your ski boots because they don't want people walking around in their socks (that have been in their ski boots all day!)  The rules and the people seem so courteous to me that I could not believe the lack of thoughtful consideration when people were on the elevator!  But sometimes what you expect and teach your family is not what other people do.  I thought I would tell you the "Elevator Rules" we've agreed to as a family (grandma and grandpa have helped us come up with and teach these rules to our boys as well.)

Let me begin by explaining the elevator in question.  There is just one elevator that goes between two floors in the club.  If you want to get down to the locker room, you must ride the elevator from the main floor down.  Likewise, you must ride it back up again to the main floor.  I carefully watched my boys this weekend to see if they were following what I've taught them is "proper elevator exiting".  I know that this is not exactly what the Emily Post people teach these days - there is a lot of gender neutrality people have to worry about and the Emily Post people say that in these modern days, the person closest to the door exits first.  But I was brought up, and I am bringing my boys up (including my husband), to follow the old-school ways because it shows courtesy and consideration.

Our Family Elevator Rules:
First, wait for the people IN the elevator to exit - which means don't block the door when the elevator door opens because most likely people need to get out - and you should allow them to do that instead of  pushing your way in first.  Then, if the elevator looks like it is going to be crowded, the first people in line to enter the elevator should obviously go in.  But if it looks like there will be plenty of room in the elevator it is a kind gesture for a male to say, "After you" and let the females enter first.

Secondly, when we exit the elevator we've taught our boys "The Exit Order."  My sons know that this means they are pretty much at the bottom of the totem pole, but they see how kindly people look at them and appreciate their good manners - and it makes them feel good - I've never heard them complain.  It has become second nature to them.  The Exit Order:
1) An elderly or handicapped person should be allowed off the elevator first.
2)  Then allow any woman of any age off the elevator - it is kind for younger girls to allow older women to go ahead of them.
3) Then older gentleman exit.
4) Finally young men exit.

Whenever a man lets me exit first I always make sure to say, "thank you" so that he hears me. Nothing helps more than to reinforce those good manners! :)  And when it's a young man, I say, "What nice manners you have. Thank you."

That didn't happen at all this past weekend except the times I was in the elevator alone with my Dad, husband, or boys.  And one other time, a very nice gentleman let me off first.  Only once all weekend!  The rest of my visit - over four days in and out of that elevator -  men, whom you think would know better, just walked off without any acknowledgement.

Yes, it's old school. But to me, it's a matter of common courtesy and respect that underlies all manners - I do think most women like to be treated with this kind of elevator courtesy. And, men, if you're worried that you might offend a woman with this chivalrous behavior, you can extend the offer and say, "After you."  If she insists that you go first, then you should go ahead and exit.

Thank you. No, Thank YOU. No, THANK YOU!

My girlfriends helped write my blog this week by giving me questions they had about thank you's and emails - I've researched everything and below are the answers.  (And, if you have, by chance, been to a dinner party at my house in the last week, this is NOT FOR YOU!  How awkward!  I am asking you all NOT to write a thank you, OK? :) )

Q: Is email an accepted form of a thank you?
A: When someone gives you a present, or....when you are a houseguest at someone's home (with the exception of a kids' sleepover), or.....when you've